Positivity is a full-time job in my world. Every movement is an effort as I continue my quest to fight back from paralysis. It’s been ten years now since this journey began, and thankfully I have been able to maintain a pragmatic and optimistic approach to everyday life. My eyes are always open for little messages along the way that bring hope and inspiration as long as I allow myself enough grace to keep an open mind and appreciate these gifts when they appear.

I learned something by coincidence early in life: giving of myself washes away physical and emotional pain if I allow myself to just live in moments of kindness. Since my journey began, I have found that although I may be limited in what I can do for others physically, I can give of myself in other ways that still bring happiness, letting me know I can still be useful in helping others. 

However, there are stumbling blocks on this journey for those of us with trauma or any other type of limitation. We need to be mindful of these circumstances and avoid them as best as possible if we are to prevail and live in a world of acceptance and happiness. Some stumbling blocks to avoid are:

1) The inability to recover after an unkind action

An unkind act from a person—be it a friend, family member, coworker, or stranger—will inevitably happen. The shock of this occurrence is more devastating than normal because your injury has put you in a vulnerable state. Therefore, an unkind act by another, whether malicious or not, is amplified. How to recover is sometimes the difficult part because you’re already dealing with one trauma; an unkind act can suddenly have you focusing on two—neither of which you want. 

A remedy I’ve found to help during these times is to talk about it with someone you trust and get the pain out of you. Suppressing pain has the ability to pull you away and distance yourself from others. Getting the hurt out of you, especially with someone who can take the time to share a few kind words with you, is sometimes all that’s needed to restore you. If you don’t have someone, then at least sit and journal or speak into a recorder to let it all out.

2) The words “I can’t” 

Avoid these words. They are not easy to move beyond, but look within yourself for an open mind or a leap of faith, and seek encouragement from your network of friends, family, or even coworkers. This will help you move beyond the roadblocks that stand in your way. 

3) Struggling to let go and just live

This one is probably the easiest to accomplish, but it’s difficult to see if your mind is clouded by all you need to do to get through any given day. If you allow the mindfulness of letting go and living to occur here, the other hurdles become easier to navigate.

4) Punishing yourself on the hard days

Always remember to give yourself grace on the hard days. Think of what you would say to someone when you’re offering them advice and consider on occasion saying it to yourself. Remember, you are worth your own kindness through your own recovery.

Recently, I went to a frame shop to have a painting framed that I received from a disabled friend of mine who took the time to paint a beautiful picture for me on a canvas. I was so happy as I just stared at it and fell into the picture of two jets flying freely through a sunlit blue sky. I thought about the hope and inspiration her kindness was giving me. I also realized through God that if we allow harmony and balance into our lives, we have the power to overcome any stumbling blocks we endure in life. 

While I stood in the frame shop waiting to be attended to, a lady waiting in line behind me asked about the beautiful painting, and I told her the story of my friend. I also briefly told her my story and the survivor’s memoir I wrote. She then asked me for the title of my book because she wanted to read it and share it with a friend whose son is paralyzed. I was so grateful because maintaining positivity over all these years has continued to bring me these special moments, and, more than anything else, brought me to so many special people.