Isolation. My first thought when I think of this word is that it deserves respect. There are times when I need isolation to just calm my mind and not cloud it with thoughts. I might need a little time to myself as I go up into the mountains on a quiet Sunday morning drive, or on a short walk to clear my head and listen to nature. In other words, there are times when I want a little isolation. However, there are other times when it isn’t conducive to my healing because there’s too much of it. I suppose there’s a balance to this word as I think back over the past ten years since my own trauma and fighting paralysis. The challenge is that we don’t always get to choose what measure of isolation we need or know what to do when it’s too much.
Yes, isolation is such a gripping word these days as the world continues to emerge from COVID-19. It’s also a compelling word as it relates to those who have suffered a physical or emotional trauma. Both situations are similar because they relate to a stressful disturbing encounter; but regardless of similarity or dissimilarity of the situation, the isolation is real and can alter somebody’s life forever.
Another form of isolation can come from the side-effects of prescription medication that might have been necessary in the beginning, but might have turned into unforeseen addictions later, which now hinders our ability to become social again with those who mean so much to us. The point is this: the length of time you’re fighting back from all that’s broken, injured, or hinders you, the social network you once had may change, and now rekindling it is also a vital part of your recovery too.
Could ending isolation all boil down to a choice? And then when we choose to move beyond it, our potential is wrapped in a shroud of how to get there? That might be the case at times because maintaining a life-style that isn’t overly isolated requires work. I’ve talked many times on podcast interviews, radio shows, a tv interview, and, of course, in my book about doing something because you want to do it, and not because you have to do it. Well, this couldn’t be a better time to find out what it takes not to be completely isolated and to counteract the affect when it has its grasp on you. Understanding what pulls you into isolation is equally as important as what pulls you out of it.
For instance, it’s wonderful when you get back into a work lifestyle at the office and you get that sync back for socializing with peers, listening, learning, and sharing with them. It’s all positive and gratifying, and you think to yourself, “This is great,” because you feel useful again in a setting beyond home. That naturally pulls you into a social environment, and it doesn’t require much effort. If you’re disabled, you may even notice that you think less of your limitations because people see you and not your disability. Although all is well on the surface as life gets back to normal, the disability is still there, and it doesn’t take much to collapse your fragile environment. One little change in a negative direction like an inappropriate comment or an expectation and critical judgement because you aren’t performing physically like your co-workers without disabilities can throw you right back into isolation and protecting yourself from harm. This type of problem or disappointment can happen anywhere at any time by family, friends, or even by your place of employment, which all have devastating consequences and setbacks for someone trying so hard to heal, potentially taking months to get yourself back on track. Family and friends love you, and jobs have mandatory rules on ethics, but words can have sharp edges and appear out of nowhere.
Like learning how to walk for the first or second time in your life, pulling yourself out of isolation takes patience and practice. With repetition, faith, fortitude, and resilience, you can accomplish great things in your life. Therefore, setting a goal like emerging from isolation and projecting yourself into taking one step at a time is where you find your will to succeed.
Do you remember learning how to ride a bike for the first time? Did you clear all the external tormentors from your brain like falling and block all the noisy chatter so you could just focus on pedaling the bike to make it go forward as you balanced it beneath you? I remember the first time I had to transition across a board from my bed to a wheelchair—it was the same type of process. The payoff over time was eventually succeeding, and I was overwhelming happy for the joy it brought because I was a step closer to becoming mobile and ending some of my isolation, but none of it happened in an instant.
Ways to break isolation:
Create things to talk about. When you generate things in your life that you do regularly, it becomes easier to hold a conversation with others. Do you have a hobby? It’s spring—how about planting some flower seeds in a few flowerpots? Do you like to read, listen to music, watch movies, or write? How about stargazing or planning to watch the International Space Station flyby overhead (no telescope necessary—just look up!). How about exercise programs like a gym, Pilates, or Tai Chi? Do you like to bake or work in your workshop? How about bird watching or learning how to paint?
Learn something new. Having talking points like mentioned above make breaking the ice easier. It’s easy to feel out of place when you haven’t been social in a while. By creating new things to do in your life, it becomes easier to network with individuals or groups who have similar interests and enjoy the same things as you.
Recalibrate your confidence. Your goal is to recapture a connection with others for your happiness, and to open your heart and soul so you can have a community of people around you to share life experiences. You can always start this process small with social media, but as you become more confident, let the process grow toward being face-to-face with people as well.