How do I make and achieve feasible goals that will help with healing and encourage new, larger goals?
You might be staring at the above sentence and saying, “Why would I ever want to set any goals? It’s not for me.” Those thoughts certainly crossed my mind in the beginning, but I wasn’t going to dwell on negative thoughts. Instead, I chose to focus on life and not allow myself to be consumed by anything less. Besides, I had no other options than lying in a bed all day because I couldn’t move.
Yet, just because my body didn’t work it didn’t mean the rest of me couldn’t work. I certainly wasn’t going to lie there powerless or hopeless. I was going to find my way out of my predicament.
I remembered during my first few days of paralysis thinking back to when I was a young man in the Air Force and reading about Vietnam prisoners of war utilizing their minds to maintain their sanity during imprisonment, and the brutality of the tortures they endured. Imagine the goals they must have set.
For me, this “How To” begins with trust and acceptance.
Setting goals is actually quite easy and fun if you allow it. However, to do so, the first step is a leap of faith to acknowledge and allow yourself to let go of what is burdening you so you can let your mind calm down and find some much needed peace. What I’m saying here is that you have to let a little self-confidence seep in so you can let “I can’t” seep out. If your mind is full of today’s list of aches and pains or doubts, then tell your brain the complaint department is closed. With those concessions you can now get down to business and move on to setting a few goals and achieving them.
Before we start setting goals, let’s also acknowledge something else: if you’re dealing with a trauma of any kind, look upon what you’re about to do as a Phoenix Process. Let the “old you” prior to your trauma become the remnants of burning ashes so the “new you” can emerge and blossom so you can have a second chance at life. Yes, a new life all for you! This means you don’t have to be transfixed on boundaries or how you used to do things before. Now you get to be creative and do things completely different. Do things you’ve never done before. Break the mold and gravitate toward goals that motivate you. In other words, goals get to be a celebration if you allow them.
Now grab a pad and pen or speak into the Notes app on your phone so you can create a goals list. Ground rules: “I can’t” does not live here on your list. Kindness and gratitude should permeate your desires so let them out to see the light of day. This exercise isn’t just exclusive to others. It’s there for you too, so journal them. Know as you prepare to populate these goals that they are there to inspire and encourage you to live your life in an entirely new way. They are being created to help you heal and recapture more of your confidence. They are also a statement to yourself that your life isn’t over and you have a lot of living to do. Try not to allow yourself to get bogged down with what you may think at the time might be unattainable goals. The last time I checked dreaming is free and whether or not you can meet an expectation isn’t something to wrap stress and anxiety around. Your main focus should be that you haven’t forgotten how to dream, be happy, hope, and live. Even if the dream isn’t possible one way, it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible another way. Now let’s have some fun!
Goals can be anything you want them to be. They’re yours, and therefore you get to let your mind roam freely as you explore things. This fun type of therapy exercises your mind and your smile muscles at the same time. It’s also ok to start small as you think of things you would like to do. As I mentioned in my last blog post, all you need is a little confidence, determination, and imagination to recapture your purpose, a routine, and something to look forward to each day. Goals also don’t necessarily need to be something you accomplish now, but rather something you do at a later date. Do you have the ability to smile at everybody you meet today? Can you do it again tomorrow? If you’re not comfortable with smiling, can you ask everyone you meet today how they’re doing? If you’re not comfortable smiling or talking, can you wave at everyone you meet today? There, you see, those first three weren’t that difficult. Let’s keep it going.
I made a goal when I was paralyzed in the hospital that I would go scuba diving again one day. It seemed very unattainable at the time, but I eventually met that goal with the help of my diving friends. I couldn’t get in my gear or walk down into the water so they assisted me. I could only kick with barely one fin at the time, but I was underwater diving. The quality of movement was furthest from my mind.
All that mattered was that I was having the time of my life with the help of people who meant the world to me.
My process of making goals began from the day I woke up paralyzed and to this day, nine years later, I am still making them and achieving what I set forth from that very first day. As I sit outside right now on my porch typing with only my left hand to each of you out there, I am fulfilling one of those originals. And hopefully, I am inspiring you to set your own goals.
Life is a celebration, so find trust within you and take that leap of faith.
I challenge you to commit to a new goal by writing it in the comments below!